Avenged Sevenfold - Avenged Sevenfold review

Release Date: 30/10/2007

Label: Warner Bros. Records

I’ve been eagerly awaiting this album for some time now. Avenged Sevenfold have to be one of my favorite bands, and what they have done for the hard rock and metal scene of late is astounding. Sure, they have their haters! Of course they do! They were on MTV, which is a huge demerit considering they are essentially a metal band. Right? No…being popular is no reason to hate something. Metal deserves to be heard and Avenged Sevenfold are taking it to the masses!

This album is outstanding! Not only will it kick your ass all over the room but it can bring you to tears with its beautiful melodies. Avenged Sevenfold have shown some amazing growth, even more so than they showed on ‘City Of Evil’. This album really proves the talent and musicianship these guys have and it’s a sorely desired trait for a metal band to have these days.

Of course, with their popularity this album is going to raise further debate between Avenged Sevenfold’s own fans! The ones who call themselves fans but really only enjoy “Waking The Fallen”. “City Of Evil” fans will love this album while “Waking The Fallen” fans may be just as disappointed with this album as they were with the previous one. I for one love every Avenged Sevenfold album! Yes their sound has changed a bit since “Sounding The Seventh Trumpet” but its changed for the better! Their song writing has defiantly improved, now they have a broader style. Not just limiting themselves to playing heavy all the time.

So go out and buy this album. Support Avenged Sevenfold. Make them more popular! Give them more people who hate them!

Rating: 5/5
Choice Lyric: “Shh be quiet, you might piss somebody off!”
Download: A Little Piece Of Heaven, Afterlife, Dear God

Random Trivia: The album was delayed by two weeks in order to provide more time to complete bonus material and production for the record.

Alter Bridge - Blackbird review

Release Date: 10/09/2007

Label: Universal Republic Records

Alter Bridge are back with album number two…but does it deserve your attention?

I would say that minor attention is deserved. The fact is, if you liked “One Day Remains” you will probably like “Blackbird” too. Most of the songs are attacked in much the same way….although one could say this album is slightly (very slightly) heavier than their previous effort. Still, “Blackbird” rarely offers anything new to the ears. It’s the same thing Alter Bridge have been doing since “One Day Remains” which is also very similar to the thing Creed was doing before them.

So whilst listening to “Blackbird”, yes there might be a cool guitar solo there…and yes Myles Kennedy can sing some pretty amazing notes….but where’s the progress? Improve the sound! Grow!

The biggest letdown on “Blackbird”, or any Alter Bridge album, is always going to be the ballads. If there was a book called “How to write predictable soft-rock ballads for depressed teenagers with no hope for future happiness, who still live at home in the basement of their newly divorced mothers house while she constantly invites over new men, referring to them only as ‘Uncle Ted’ or ‘Uncle Susan’…For Dummies” then this would be Alter Bridge’s bible! Yes they are emotional and somewhat beautiful….but they are stale and boring…like old crackers.

All in all, if you liked “One Day Remains” then go out and buy “Blackbird”. You’ll feel exactly the same afterwards!

Oh by the way….this might be the first review of an Alter Bridge album that doesn’t mention Scott Stapp and his crappy vocals. Well…it was before I wrote that sentence…….shit!

Rating: 3/5
Choice Lyric: “The damned are done believing”
Download: Ties That Bind, Come To Life

Random Trivia: The name Alter Bridge comes from a bridge on Alter Road, close to Mark Tremonti's childhood home.

Devon Townsend - Ziltoid The Omniscient review

Release Date: 05/21/2007

Label: Hevy Devy Records

What the shit is this? In the simplest explanation I can possibly write this would be a concept album from Devon Townsend (Strapping Young Lad) about a guitar playing alien arriving on Earth in search of the perfect cup of coffee. So you know…the usual kind of thing. I haven’t really heard anything like this before. In fact, one could say this is one of the most elaborate concept albums of all time…even if the story is kind of lame.

Devon Townsend takes care of all the writing, production and mixing as well as playing all instruments…besides the drums which he did program! The funny thing is, as lame as I thought this album was going to be it actual works! While the story may be a joke the music side of it certainly is not. Devon combines elements of all his previous work creating an album which at times can be brutally heavy while still leaving moments of beautiful atmospheric melody. All the songs fit together perfectly and along with the included booklet it’s quite easy to be sucked in with the story. Also, top marks must be given to Mr Townsend for creating a concept album with a surprise twist at the end! I didn’t see it coming! I’m sure that M. Night Shyamalan would be proud!

To sum up, if guitar playing, coffee drinking aliens and brutal but still melodic music is something you are interested in then Ziltoid The Omniscient might just be your cup of tea…umm coffee.


Rating: 4/5
Choice Lyric: “You shall fetch me your universes ultimate cup of coffee...Black! You have five Earth minutes, Make it perfect!”
Download: ZTO, Ziltoidia Attaxx!!

HIM - Venus Doom review

Release Date: 09/18/2007

Label: Sire Records

This is it! This is the HIM album all the fans are raving about! Apparently this is HIM’s best album to date! If only all fans were as easy to please as HIM fans. If this is HIM’s best work I shudder to even think what their previous albums would sound like.

HIM come from a little country called Finland. Finland is also the home of the largest, and third largest paper manufacturing companies in the world! Amazing! While HIM aren’t feasting on karjalanpiirakka (traditional Finnish pastry) they play their self proclaimed style of music, known as ‘Love Metal’. Please, if this slop is classed as metal then shoot me now! From here on it will be refered to as ‘Love Slop’. Anyway, there is one man who we can thank for bringing the world this ‘Love Slop’, and that man is Bam Margera! You see, without Bam taking an interest in the stylings of ‘Love Slop’ then HIM would still be playing small venue gigs in Helsinki! So thank you Bam…you unknowingly stabbed every metal fan in the heart!

Venus Doom is boring, slow and uneventful. Every song sounds so similar to the next that by the end of the album you just want to drink a bottle of bleech. Some fans might say, “Oh but Grox, track number five is epic, it lasts for over ten mintues!” So does the average rape attack…that doesn’t make it an enjoyable experience! There is no need for HIM to be playing ten minute songs because they don’t have enough talent to keep someones attention for that long!

The worst thing about this album has to be Ville Valo! Possibly the weakest front man ever! His vocal styling sounds a lot like a mix between a castrated goat and the machinery in a cheese factory! For christ sakes learn to hold a note….and put a fuckin shirt on! No one wants to see a skinny, pastey, white man with no shirt on not singing very well to the sound of very average music!

Rating: 0/5
Choice Lyric: “All we can do is to wail and weep to the saddest song”
Download: Don’t bother!

Dethklok - The Dethalbum review

Release Date: 09/25/2007
Label: Williams Street

Since Dethklok are a fictional band the only way to write a review would be to use fictional words to describe it. Therefore all fictional words shall be highlighted in red.

The Dethalbum is quite possibly the snopliest album of all time. From the moment you press play to the moment you press stop you are bombarded with pharmaticular bomboozlement! This album is guckly, leirstful, and absolutely poot! Considering The Dethalbum was written and recorded by only two musicians it is quite an evantlium experience. This album would make Jesus cry with its pharmaticularity.

Translation:
The Dethalbum is quite possibly the strangest album of all time. From the moment you press play to the moment you press stop you are bombarded with brutal hilarity! This album is heavy, angry and absolutely hysterical! Considering The Dethalbum was written and recorded by only two musicians it is quite a unique experience. This album would make a fictional character cry with is brutality.

In all honesty, this is not an album to be taken too seriously. While the music is brilliant at times, the lyrical content is mostly a joke. It’s an album that pokes fun at the death metal genre while still being an enjoyable death metal album. If you’re a fan of the television show ‘Metalocalypse’ you will probably like The Dethalbum. If you aren’t, then the lyrical content of this album will probably go right over your head. Either way, strap yourself in for a brutal ride!

Rating: 3/5
Choice Lyric: “You masturbate on the sheets your mothers clean for you”
Download: Mermaider, Bloodrocuted