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October 2, 2007

HIM - Venus Doom review

Release Date: 09/18/2007
Label: Sire Records


This is it! This is the HIM album all the fans are raving about! Apparently this is HIM’s best album to date! If only all fans were as easy to please as HIM fans. If this is HIM’s best work I shudder to even think what their previous albums would sound like.

HIM come from a little country called Finland. Finland is also the home of the largest, and third largest paper manufacturing companies in the world! Amazing! While HIM aren’t feasting on karjalanpiirakka (traditional Finnish pastry) they play their self proclaimed style of music, known as ‘Love Metal’. Please, if this slop is classed as metal then shoot me now! From here on it will be refered to as ‘Love Slop’. Anyway, there is one man who we can thank for bringing the world this ‘Love Slop’, and that man is Bam Margera! You see, without Bam taking an interest in the stylings of ‘Love Slop’ then HIM would still be playing small venue gigs in Helsinki! So thank you Bam…you unknowingly stabbed every metal fan in the heart!

Venus Doom is boring, slow and uneventful. Every song sounds so similar to the next that by the end of the album you just want to drink a bottle of bleech. Some fans might say, “Oh but Grox, track number five is epic, it lasts for over ten mintues!” So does the average rape attack…that doesn’t make it an enjoyable experience! There is no need for HIM to be playing ten minute songs because they don’t have enough talent to keep someones attention for that long!

The worst thing about this album has to be Ville Valo! Possibly the weakest front man ever! His vocal styling sounds a lot like a mix between a castrated goat and the machinery in a cheese factory! For christ sakes learn to hold a note….and put a fuckin shirt on! No one wants to see a skinny, pastey, white man with no shirt on not singing very well to the sound of very average music!

Rating: 0/5
Choice Lyric: “All we can do is to wail and weep to the saddest song”
Download: Don’t bother!



1 comment:

Anonymous said...

hi hi hi , good !!!

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